Yesterday. I thought maybe... she went to visit Jizo-san, like she usually does, but she wouldn't be out there all night.
[she'd be back morning, at the very least. she hadn't brought her pda, or her speech device, but the other usual bits are gone.]
I don't, [his voice creaks a little and he presses his lips tight, resting his face more into the pillow.] I don't want to lose someone else, Natsume, just because I trusted they'd be fine.
You're not losing anyONE, ( he replies immediately, though his movements are still a little slow; he shoves subaru to get him out of the way though, not hard enough to roll him off the bed or anything but just. move. )
The little bat is fully capable of defending herself, first OFF. Secondly... ( ... ) We won't lose HER. Just what do you think I've been training FOR, Baru-kun?
( ... ... ... )
Let's check the path to the shrine FIRST. Come on, up and at 'EM.
[she made that obvious enough; his head still rings thinking about the scramble job she gave him at the meeting, but he succeeds in moving subaru enough to work himself around. the nickname eases him a bit, the way it has since natsume began using it again, and he follows the other quickly.]
And I know that about you, too. Should we bring her PDA?
[his steps are unusually quiet, but that's something that'd become a little normal since lanling; he tucks on his shoes and picks up helena's things as he passes, following after natsume.
...
the way to the shrine isn't forgotten. if you keep going out far enough in one direction, you'll eventually hit the marks; they line in a circle on the map in his mind, sparingly tread but often remembered. there's just a matter of getting there, the dangers of the quiet morning aside.]
( the forest still makes him nervous. the wolves stay at the edge of his mind, the bear and its ribbon, the scars he has from that day. he still keeps the shrine in mind, the quiet and kind god who had bore his best friend away and left him with something disquieting but trying.
he pauses at the markers, knowing that safety disowns them the moment they step out of it, and thinks of helena-- he steps past it, ignoring the way the muteness of the world outside works its way between his ribs and fills his lungs with an uncomfortable, unwelcome feeling.
subaru is going to have to be the one to spot anything; natsume's eyesight is failing, five months until it's gone completely. )
[funny how the walk is nothing but better memories to subaru, though the one returning to school had been less so. quiet, lonely, even with helena at his side. it strikes him that it's the opposite this time, with natsume stepping in time with him as their usual third is missing, and subaru wonders, wonders, wonders, how many times he'll have to lose someone.
natsume said they wouldn't be losing anyone, though. and so subaru puts his trust in that, thinks of nene's definition of faith and puts a little into that, and
there's been signs of something happening a little off the path, eyes caught on a glint in the grass as subaru stops slowly in his tracks. maybe some animals tussled. maybe it's nothing. but his ears are filled with a rushing sort of noise, and he'll grab natsume's wrist to make him stop if he doesn't already.]
I'll keep watch if you look around. You're not blind yet, right?
[not completely. he can still get the important bits, better than trying to keep an eye out for the trouble that comes in muted lands.]
( natsume jerks to a stop, a grimace on his lips--but he doesn't say anything. maybe subaru can still tell when he's too wired, when he needs something to focus on instead of listening and feeling sick. it's a thought that squeezes in the small space between his chest and his heart, and he kills it like a fly before it can take root.
he just gets off enough sometimes that anyone can tell. that's all. )
I'm almost THERE. ( but despite that, he does direct his attention to their immediate area; he isn't allowed to regret how hard it is to look at the ground without getting closer, and he ignores how stupid he feels when he does that every time something blurry seems a little different.
at least he's rewarded for his efforts, carefully picking up a knife. this shouldn't be out here; it doesn't belong. )
...This is a knife from the kitCHEN.
( one of them. it isn't like there's any identifying marks to tell. )
[i'll find some way to save you, too, dies on his lips before it even comes out, because it's thankfully a sentiment not entirely marred by memory loss — he knows natsume is an idol, and idols are all about the smiles of their fans — but he knows, too, that natsume claims not to regret it, claims it was his choice and he'll die with it, and...
... well, supposedly it can't be undone save by a particular mean. and there's no way that's happening now, not the one keigo (an ache begins in his chest) mentioned, but subaru turns to look off at the way they'd yet to go, where eventually they would find the blood-stained trees so long as they had something worth giving to pass beneath it, and wonders.
wonders what price that would be, and then cuts it short at the discovery natsume makes in the meantime.]
Out here?
[a beat.]
... I mean, I remember... Lena starting to go out with one, since everything that happened the other day, [loosely "the other day" nothing but that frankly shocking meeting had happened this week that could have caused it,] but you don't think...
he grips the knife like he wants to turn it on someone and moves in the direction of where he'd found it, voice raising instead of answering subaru-- )
( he is not losing subaru a second time, as impermanent as death can be here.
natsume, in the meanwhile, keeps calling for helena; subaru can hear his voice getting hoarser and hoarser while he's off taking a quick look, and at some point, natsume drops the nickname he has for helena—"little bat" changes to helena proper, and then drops to quiet as he settles down near one of the trees and plays with the knife to wait for subaru's return.
[finding a body would be a blessing. but there's nothing, and eventually subaru drops down beside natsume and tucks into his side, inadequacies be damned, face pressed against the other's neck.]
No good.
[is all he can say, quiet and scratchy and strained as he tries not to cry.]
( insane of him to do this while natsume has a knife in his hands.
but he doesn't do anything but squeeze the handle and close his eyes. listening now, for sounds that don't belong out here, for anything, anything at all... )
Did you find any hints as to what hapPENED?
( soft, because he doesn't want to break his own concentration, and because if he speaks too loudly his voice is going to crack like it did months before. )
Nothing you didn't find, really. Seems like there was a fight. I don't think... she really lost, since that usually ends worse, but definitely a fight.
[...
if it was her at all out here, and not someone else. maybe it was. maybe it's coincidental. maybe helena is playing a mean trick on them, and she'll be there to greet them when they get back.
they're small, futile hopes, and he can't even bring himself to voice them.]
Lena can take care of herself, [he mentions softly.] But I think we should ground her when we see her again.
[whenever. if it's tomorrow, next week, or... next year. ever.]
( of course they will. she might be a little older, but they will— if nothing else they can plead their case, and helena, sweet helena, might relent for them.
natsume leans his head on subaru's briefly, before he straightens back up. )
...Do you want to continue to the SHRINE, or do you want to go BACK?
Do you really wanna come? I just wanna drop something off for the little guy and maybe clean a bit, while I'm out here.
[ask that they watch over helena like they do him, that she is not alone. it won't be physically answered, it won't need to be, he won't ask them to appear.]
I just... don't wanna go back just yet. People're gonna ask about her, y'know?
[it makes him laugh a little, just a short one, but it still takes him a minute to get to standing (he has to make sure he won't shake, won't buckle) before holding out his hands to natsume.]
Okay. We can probably just say she's come down with something, though, and that she'll be better with some rest... I guess.
[even though
this scene speaks of worse injuries, potentially.]
And she's contaGIOUS, so no one else should visit HER. They can leave "get well soon" gifts with US.
( as if it's just a spring cold, and not a missing person. natsume opens his eyes and glances at his hands, then takes one of subaru's and lets himself be pulled up.
only that much, though. he's taking his hand back after. )
[so mean. subaru grips it tighter just a moment longer before he lets natsume let go and shuffles them into his
he doesn't have pockets to put them in, he realizes, so they just fall loosely at his sides instead as he turns back outward, shrine in mind and a glance at natsume.]
You got a coin on you?
[or did that stop when subaru lost his unusual love for luster.]
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[she'd be back morning, at the very least. she hadn't brought her pda, or her speech device, but the other usual bits are gone.]
I don't, [his voice creaks a little and he presses his lips tight, resting his face more into the pillow.] I don't want to lose someone else, Natsume, just because I trusted they'd be fine.
[they need to find her. simple as that.]
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The little bat is fully capable of defending herself, first OFF. Secondly... ( ... ) We won't lose HER. Just what do you think I've been training FOR, Baru-kun?
( ... ... ... )
Let's check the path to the shrine FIRST. Come on, up and at 'EM.
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[she made that obvious enough; his head still rings thinking about the scramble job she gave him at the meeting, but he succeeds in moving subaru enough to work himself around. the nickname eases him a bit, the way it has since natsume began using it again, and he follows the other quickly.]
And I know that about you, too. Should we bring her PDA?
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( because once he's free to move he is moving, pulling on a jacket for the cold spring morning and heading out of their room. )
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[his steps are unusually quiet, but that's something that'd become a little normal since lanling; he tucks on his shoes and picks up helena's things as he passes, following after natsume.
...
the way to the shrine isn't forgotten. if you keep going out far enough in one direction, you'll eventually hit the marks; they line in a circle on the map in his mind, sparingly tread but often remembered. there's just a matter of getting there, the dangers of the quiet morning aside.]
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he pauses at the markers, knowing that safety disowns them the moment they step out of it, and thinks of helena-- he steps past it, ignoring the way the muteness of the world outside works its way between his ribs and fills his lungs with an uncomfortable, unwelcome feeling.
subaru is going to have to be the one to spot anything; natsume's eyesight is failing, five months until it's gone completely. )
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natsume said they wouldn't be losing anyone, though. and so subaru puts his trust in that, thinks of nene's definition of faith and puts a little into that, and
there's been signs of something happening a little off the path, eyes caught on a glint in the grass as subaru stops slowly in his tracks. maybe some animals tussled. maybe it's nothing. but his ears are filled with a rushing sort of noise, and he'll grab natsume's wrist to make him stop if he doesn't already.]
I'll keep watch if you look around. You're not blind yet, right?
[not completely. he can still get the important bits, better than trying to keep an eye out for the trouble that comes in muted lands.]
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he just gets off enough sometimes that anyone can tell. that's all. )
I'm almost THERE. ( but despite that, he does direct his attention to their immediate area; he isn't allowed to regret how hard it is to look at the ground without getting closer, and he ignores how stupid he feels when he does that every time something blurry seems a little different.
at least he's rewarded for his efforts, carefully picking up a knife. this shouldn't be out here; it doesn't belong. )
...This is a knife from the kitCHEN.
( one of them. it isn't like there's any identifying marks to tell. )
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... well, supposedly it can't be undone save by a particular mean. and there's no way that's happening now, not the one keigo (an ache begins in his chest) mentioned, but subaru turns to look off at the way they'd yet to go, where eventually they would find the blood-stained trees so long as they had something worth giving to pass beneath it, and wonders.
wonders what price that would be, and then cuts it short at the discovery natsume makes in the meantime.]
Out here?
[a beat.]
... I mean, I remember... Lena starting to go out with one, since everything that happened the other day, [loosely "the other day" nothing but that frankly shocking meeting had happened this week that could have caused it,] but you don't think...
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he grips the knife like he wants to turn it on someone and moves in the direction of where he'd found it, voice raising instead of answering subaru-- )
Little Bat!
( please. )
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nothing. silence. no reply, because she certainly would have replied, and he presses his nails in so hard they bite into his palms.]
I'm gonna take a quick look around.
[for a body, maybe. hopefully still warm, still breathing.
he won't find one, but he has to try.]
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( he is not losing subaru a second time, as impermanent as death can be here.
natsume, in the meanwhile, keeps calling for helena; subaru can hear his voice getting hoarser and hoarser while he's off taking a quick look, and at some point, natsume drops the nickname he has for helena—"little bat" changes to helena proper, and then drops to quiet as he settles down near one of the trees and plays with the knife to wait for subaru's return.
he's thinking. he's worried. he's sick. he wishes she'd reply. )
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No good.
[is all he can say, quiet and scratchy and strained as he tries not to cry.]
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but he doesn't do anything but squeeze the handle and close his eyes. listening now, for sounds that don't belong out here, for anything, anything at all... )
Did you find any hints as to what hapPENED?
( soft, because he doesn't want to break his own concentration, and because if he speaks too loudly his voice is going to crack like it did months before. )
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[...
if it was her at all out here, and not someone else. maybe it was. maybe it's coincidental. maybe helena is playing a mean trick on them, and she'll be there to greet them when they get back.
they're small, futile hopes, and he can't even bring himself to voice them.]
Lena can take care of herself, [he mentions softly.] But I think we should ground her when we see her again.
[whenever. if it's tomorrow, next week, or... next year. ever.]
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natsume leans his head on subaru's briefly, before he straightens back up. )
...Do you want to continue to the SHRINE, or do you want to go BACK?
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...
maybe.]
Do you really wanna come? I just wanna drop something off for the little guy and maybe clean a bit, while I'm out here.
[ask that they watch over helena like they do him, that she is not alone. it won't be physically answered, it won't need to be, he won't ask them to appear.]
I just... don't wanna go back just yet. People're gonna ask about her, y'know?
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( maybe that's a little too blunt and curt, but... )
We'll think of something to excuse her with while we're OUT.
( or
better yet
find her. and if not, time to think of what to say. )
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Okay. We can probably just say she's come down with something, though, and that she'll be better with some rest... I guess.
[even though
this scene speaks of worse injuries, potentially.]
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( as if it's just a spring cold, and not a missing person. natsume opens his eyes and glances at his hands, then takes one of subaru's and lets himself be pulled up.
only that much, though. he's taking his hand back after. )
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he doesn't have pockets to put them in, he realizes, so they just fall loosely at his sides instead as he turns back outward, shrine in mind and a glance at natsume.]
You got a coin on you?
[or did that stop when subaru lost his unusual love for luster.]
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just like carrying coins does not, natsume making one appear between his fingers like magic. it was just in his jacket pocket, though. )
They're useful for settling petty disPUTES.
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[so cool though... his lil parlor tricks.]
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( naturally )
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[the more he can attempt to normal up their walk the more they can pretend they're okay while their friend is missing.]
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