[i'll find some way to save you, too, dies on his lips before it even comes out, because it's thankfully a sentiment not entirely marred by memory loss — he knows natsume is an idol, and idols are all about the smiles of their fans — but he knows, too, that natsume claims not to regret it, claims it was his choice and he'll die with it, and...
... well, supposedly it can't be undone save by a particular mean. and there's no way that's happening now, not the one keigo (an ache begins in his chest) mentioned, but subaru turns to look off at the way they'd yet to go, where eventually they would find the blood-stained trees so long as they had something worth giving to pass beneath it, and wonders.
wonders what price that would be, and then cuts it short at the discovery natsume makes in the meantime.]
Out here?
[a beat.]
... I mean, I remember... Lena starting to go out with one, since everything that happened the other day, [loosely "the other day" nothing but that frankly shocking meeting had happened this week that could have caused it,] but you don't think...
he grips the knife like he wants to turn it on someone and moves in the direction of where he'd found it, voice raising instead of answering subaru-- )
( he is not losing subaru a second time, as impermanent as death can be here.
natsume, in the meanwhile, keeps calling for helena; subaru can hear his voice getting hoarser and hoarser while he's off taking a quick look, and at some point, natsume drops the nickname he has for helena—"little bat" changes to helena proper, and then drops to quiet as he settles down near one of the trees and plays with the knife to wait for subaru's return.
[finding a body would be a blessing. but there's nothing, and eventually subaru drops down beside natsume and tucks into his side, inadequacies be damned, face pressed against the other's neck.]
No good.
[is all he can say, quiet and scratchy and strained as he tries not to cry.]
( insane of him to do this while natsume has a knife in his hands.
but he doesn't do anything but squeeze the handle and close his eyes. listening now, for sounds that don't belong out here, for anything, anything at all... )
Did you find any hints as to what hapPENED?
( soft, because he doesn't want to break his own concentration, and because if he speaks too loudly his voice is going to crack like it did months before. )
Nothing you didn't find, really. Seems like there was a fight. I don't think... she really lost, since that usually ends worse, but definitely a fight.
[...
if it was her at all out here, and not someone else. maybe it was. maybe it's coincidental. maybe helena is playing a mean trick on them, and she'll be there to greet them when they get back.
they're small, futile hopes, and he can't even bring himself to voice them.]
Lena can take care of herself, [he mentions softly.] But I think we should ground her when we see her again.
[whenever. if it's tomorrow, next week, or... next year. ever.]
( of course they will. she might be a little older, but they will— if nothing else they can plead their case, and helena, sweet helena, might relent for them.
natsume leans his head on subaru's briefly, before he straightens back up. )
...Do you want to continue to the SHRINE, or do you want to go BACK?
Do you really wanna come? I just wanna drop something off for the little guy and maybe clean a bit, while I'm out here.
[ask that they watch over helena like they do him, that she is not alone. it won't be physically answered, it won't need to be, he won't ask them to appear.]
I just... don't wanna go back just yet. People're gonna ask about her, y'know?
[it makes him laugh a little, just a short one, but it still takes him a minute to get to standing (he has to make sure he won't shake, won't buckle) before holding out his hands to natsume.]
Okay. We can probably just say she's come down with something, though, and that she'll be better with some rest... I guess.
[even though
this scene speaks of worse injuries, potentially.]
And she's contaGIOUS, so no one else should visit HER. They can leave "get well soon" gifts with US.
( as if it's just a spring cold, and not a missing person. natsume opens his eyes and glances at his hands, then takes one of subaru's and lets himself be pulled up.
only that much, though. he's taking his hand back after. )
[so mean. subaru grips it tighter just a moment longer before he lets natsume let go and shuffles them into his
he doesn't have pockets to put them in, he realizes, so they just fall loosely at his sides instead as he turns back outward, shrine in mind and a glance at natsume.]
You got a coin on you?
[or did that stop when subaru lost his unusual love for luster.]
[...! yesyesyes he'll take it, dancing it between his knuckles.]
Yeah~... I mean, I think they're real pretty, sure, but I can't imagine having a whole episode over it. I always wondered why I acted that way.
[...]
Why he did, I mean.
[subaru's. accepting this and that, he's coming to understand stuff, but he still doesn't want to sully the memory of the person natsume cared so much for by overlaying himself like that.]
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... well, supposedly it can't be undone save by a particular mean. and there's no way that's happening now, not the one keigo (an ache begins in his chest) mentioned, but subaru turns to look off at the way they'd yet to go, where eventually they would find the blood-stained trees so long as they had something worth giving to pass beneath it, and wonders.
wonders what price that would be, and then cuts it short at the discovery natsume makes in the meantime.]
Out here?
[a beat.]
... I mean, I remember... Lena starting to go out with one, since everything that happened the other day, [loosely "the other day" nothing but that frankly shocking meeting had happened this week that could have caused it,] but you don't think...
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he grips the knife like he wants to turn it on someone and moves in the direction of where he'd found it, voice raising instead of answering subaru-- )
Little Bat!
( please. )
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nothing. silence. no reply, because she certainly would have replied, and he presses his nails in so hard they bite into his palms.]
I'm gonna take a quick look around.
[for a body, maybe. hopefully still warm, still breathing.
he won't find one, but he has to try.]
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( he is not losing subaru a second time, as impermanent as death can be here.
natsume, in the meanwhile, keeps calling for helena; subaru can hear his voice getting hoarser and hoarser while he's off taking a quick look, and at some point, natsume drops the nickname he has for helena—"little bat" changes to helena proper, and then drops to quiet as he settles down near one of the trees and plays with the knife to wait for subaru's return.
he's thinking. he's worried. he's sick. he wishes she'd reply. )
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No good.
[is all he can say, quiet and scratchy and strained as he tries not to cry.]
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but he doesn't do anything but squeeze the handle and close his eyes. listening now, for sounds that don't belong out here, for anything, anything at all... )
Did you find any hints as to what hapPENED?
( soft, because he doesn't want to break his own concentration, and because if he speaks too loudly his voice is going to crack like it did months before. )
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[...
if it was her at all out here, and not someone else. maybe it was. maybe it's coincidental. maybe helena is playing a mean trick on them, and she'll be there to greet them when they get back.
they're small, futile hopes, and he can't even bring himself to voice them.]
Lena can take care of herself, [he mentions softly.] But I think we should ground her when we see her again.
[whenever. if it's tomorrow, next week, or... next year. ever.]
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natsume leans his head on subaru's briefly, before he straightens back up. )
...Do you want to continue to the SHRINE, or do you want to go BACK?
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...
maybe.]
Do you really wanna come? I just wanna drop something off for the little guy and maybe clean a bit, while I'm out here.
[ask that they watch over helena like they do him, that she is not alone. it won't be physically answered, it won't need to be, he won't ask them to appear.]
I just... don't wanna go back just yet. People're gonna ask about her, y'know?
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( maybe that's a little too blunt and curt, but... )
We'll think of something to excuse her with while we're OUT.
( or
better yet
find her. and if not, time to think of what to say. )
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Okay. We can probably just say she's come down with something, though, and that she'll be better with some rest... I guess.
[even though
this scene speaks of worse injuries, potentially.]
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( as if it's just a spring cold, and not a missing person. natsume opens his eyes and glances at his hands, then takes one of subaru's and lets himself be pulled up.
only that much, though. he's taking his hand back after. )
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he doesn't have pockets to put them in, he realizes, so they just fall loosely at his sides instead as he turns back outward, shrine in mind and a glance at natsume.]
You got a coin on you?
[or did that stop when subaru lost his unusual love for luster.]
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just like carrying coins does not, natsume making one appear between his fingers like magic. it was just in his jacket pocket, though. )
They're useful for settling petty disPUTES.
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[so cool though... his lil parlor tricks.]
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( naturally )
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[the more he can attempt to normal up their walk the more they can pretend they're okay while their friend is missing.]
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( this too is consistent across all subarus )
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["you wouldn't favor your best friend?" was on the tip of his tongue, a tease both of them know (knew) so well, but that. that'll do.]
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( ...
he produces another coin; subaru may as well have his own. )
I almost miss you begging for these THOUGH. You remember that when we came up here with the little bat, don't YOU?
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Yeah~... I mean, I think they're real pretty, sure, but I can't imagine having a whole episode over it. I always wondered why I acted that way.
[...]
Why he did, I mean.
[subaru's. accepting this and that, he's coming to understand stuff, but he still doesn't want to sully the memory of the person natsume cared so much for by overlaying himself like that.]