( he'll have plenty of time to miss her; grief sticks to his insides like taffy already. but he understands what she means: he can still take some time for it now.
natsume shakes his head knowing she won't see his refusal, and aloud he says-- )
I'll do THAT. ( after certain things. he'll do that. ) I'm sorry for worrying YOU, Little Bat. It's unfitting of a magician of happiness such as mySELF.
...You're forgiVEN. It's nothing I want to talk about anyWAY.
( and yet he does. he wants to talk about maya, about how much it sucks; he caved so easily, and it feels so weak. it was easier with helena than anyone else though, because she's blind. she can't see the way his expressions change, and she can't see him look splotchy and ugly and tear-stained. she can hear him, but appearances have always meant more to him than most things.
it's all he has, some days. )
I've been more impressed that Baru-kun hasn't harassed me about it yet; he's been tiptoeing around me more like a dog who doesn't know what to do about a new fixture in their life inSTEAD. ( which is kind of annoying, but a little preferable. this won't last. ) I'm not made of GLASS.
[and so, he's probably using tact right now. he's giving Natsume space, the same way Helena has been doing - she just acted first, when it was clear that Natsume needed that reminder that they're there for him to collapse against. really, Subaru knows Natsume better than she ever will by virtue of their past. it must make it a balancing act, preserving his pride when one naturally wants to come and help.]
I have a feeling he'll come sooner or later. When he senses the right moment for it.
[and if that comes, and she's in the room, she'll find an excuse to leave - that she needs to see Shin, or she needs to get something, and let them alone for a while.]
...And if you change your mind, if you do want to talk about it...I want to listen to you.
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natsume shakes his head knowing she won't see his refusal, and aloud he says-- )
I'll do THAT. ( after certain things. he'll do that. ) I'm sorry for worrying YOU, Little Bat. It's unfitting of a magician of happiness such as mySELF.
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You're a magician of happiness, but you're also my friend. Worrying about you comes with that.
[she cares, and it means she'll show it when she can.]
I'm just sorry I didn't say anything sooner.
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( and yet he does. he wants to talk about maya, about how much it sucks; he caved so easily, and it feels so weak. it was easier with helena than anyone else though, because she's blind. she can't see the way his expressions change, and she can't see him look splotchy and ugly and tear-stained. she can hear him, but appearances have always meant more to him than most things.
it's all he has, some days. )
I've been more impressed that Baru-kun hasn't harassed me about it yet; he's been tiptoeing around me more like a dog who doesn't know what to do about a new fixture in their life inSTEAD. ( which is kind of annoying, but a little preferable. this won't last. ) I'm not made of GLASS.
no subject
[and so, he's probably using tact right now. he's giving Natsume space, the same way Helena has been doing - she just acted first, when it was clear that Natsume needed that reminder that they're there for him to collapse against. really, Subaru knows Natsume better than she ever will by virtue of their past. it must make it a balancing act, preserving his pride when one naturally wants to come and help.]
I have a feeling he'll come sooner or later. When he senses the right moment for it.
[and if that comes, and she's in the room, she'll find an excuse to leave - that she needs to see Shin, or she needs to get something, and let them alone for a while.]
...And if you change your mind, if you do want to talk about it...I want to listen to you.