[she holds his hand back, secure and sure. even if it had been wet with tears, she would have held on just the same. her hands are warm, and she hopes somehow, a little of the strength she has today can flow to him.
eventually. that's the word she was looking for. not that he is fine, not that he's going to be fine. but that he'll let it ache and patch itself over time, even if the wound is an ugly one, even if the scar will hurt when it rains. he'll keep breathing.
she nods, to the end of his words, but the expression on her face is solemn, even as she turns her head towards him. that's what she wants too - the chance. there are people like her, who were dead in places they'd never return to by choice, and reincarnating without their memories is only restoring half themselves. she has to believe in an option of a better life for everyone, without the patchwork of scars that criss cross their souls, so that it might be a source of drive.]
I know. And we will, I'm sure of it. But right now, it's alright to let yourself miss her.
[he doesn't have to be strong right now. in the morning, or when Subaru comes back, or when he wants to be the great magician he is. he can be what he is, a young man who feels everything and nothing at once.]
( he'll have plenty of time to miss her; grief sticks to his insides like taffy already. but he understands what she means: he can still take some time for it now.
natsume shakes his head knowing she won't see his refusal, and aloud he says-- )
I'll do THAT. ( after certain things. he'll do that. ) I'm sorry for worrying YOU, Little Bat. It's unfitting of a magician of happiness such as mySELF.
...You're forgiVEN. It's nothing I want to talk about anyWAY.
( and yet he does. he wants to talk about maya, about how much it sucks; he caved so easily, and it feels so weak. it was easier with helena than anyone else though, because she's blind. she can't see the way his expressions change, and she can't see him look splotchy and ugly and tear-stained. she can hear him, but appearances have always meant more to him than most things.
it's all he has, some days. )
I've been more impressed that Baru-kun hasn't harassed me about it yet; he's been tiptoeing around me more like a dog who doesn't know what to do about a new fixture in their life inSTEAD. ( which is kind of annoying, but a little preferable. this won't last. ) I'm not made of GLASS.
[and so, he's probably using tact right now. he's giving Natsume space, the same way Helena has been doing - she just acted first, when it was clear that Natsume needed that reminder that they're there for him to collapse against. really, Subaru knows Natsume better than she ever will by virtue of their past. it must make it a balancing act, preserving his pride when one naturally wants to come and help.]
I have a feeling he'll come sooner or later. When he senses the right moment for it.
[and if that comes, and she's in the room, she'll find an excuse to leave - that she needs to see Shin, or she needs to get something, and let them alone for a while.]
...And if you change your mind, if you do want to talk about it...I want to listen to you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
eventually. that's the word she was looking for. not that he is fine, not that he's going to be fine. but that he'll let it ache and patch itself over time, even if the wound is an ugly one, even if the scar will hurt when it rains. he'll keep breathing.
she nods, to the end of his words, but the expression on her face is solemn, even as she turns her head towards him. that's what she wants too - the chance. there are people like her, who were dead in places they'd never return to by choice, and reincarnating without their memories is only restoring half themselves. she has to believe in an option of a better life for everyone, without the patchwork of scars that criss cross their souls, so that it might be a source of drive.]
I know. And we will, I'm sure of it. But right now, it's alright to let yourself miss her.
[he doesn't have to be strong right now. in the morning, or when Subaru comes back, or when he wants to be the great magician he is. he can be what he is, a young man who feels everything and nothing at once.]
no subject
natsume shakes his head knowing she won't see his refusal, and aloud he says-- )
I'll do THAT. ( after certain things. he'll do that. ) I'm sorry for worrying YOU, Little Bat. It's unfitting of a magician of happiness such as mySELF.
no subject
You're a magician of happiness, but you're also my friend. Worrying about you comes with that.
[she cares, and it means she'll show it when she can.]
I'm just sorry I didn't say anything sooner.
no subject
( and yet he does. he wants to talk about maya, about how much it sucks; he caved so easily, and it feels so weak. it was easier with helena than anyone else though, because she's blind. she can't see the way his expressions change, and she can't see him look splotchy and ugly and tear-stained. she can hear him, but appearances have always meant more to him than most things.
it's all he has, some days. )
I've been more impressed that Baru-kun hasn't harassed me about it yet; he's been tiptoeing around me more like a dog who doesn't know what to do about a new fixture in their life inSTEAD. ( which is kind of annoying, but a little preferable. this won't last. ) I'm not made of GLASS.
no subject
[and so, he's probably using tact right now. he's giving Natsume space, the same way Helena has been doing - she just acted first, when it was clear that Natsume needed that reminder that they're there for him to collapse against. really, Subaru knows Natsume better than she ever will by virtue of their past. it must make it a balancing act, preserving his pride when one naturally wants to come and help.]
I have a feeling he'll come sooner or later. When he senses the right moment for it.
[and if that comes, and she's in the room, she'll find an excuse to leave - that she needs to see Shin, or she needs to get something, and let them alone for a while.]
...And if you change your mind, if you do want to talk about it...I want to listen to you.