( yeah, natsume hates it, thanks; he freezes, breath caught as his fingers drag a little against the curtain, and he drops his hands to try and wiggle them between subaru's arms and his middle. )
I'm not a fan of cuddLING, and I'm not tiRED—
( ...his hand wiggling stops, lips pressing together, but he'll continue to try and get subaru off of him. )
But I'll stay with you until you fall aSLEEP, and I'll be here when you wake UP.
( if he happens to get up sometime between that, that's on him. he has to pee and clean himself up and put on a new perfume and so many other little self-care things, head spinning, but he knows subaru will just get worried if he doesn't assure him he'll be around when his nap is over. )
[... kept things from him, sure, but lied? no. he doesn't count omissions as lies; lying is looking someone directly in the eyes and telling them what they want to hear in that moment when it's not true whatsoever.]
But I wanna hear you promise me anyway, Natsume.
[that he won't wake up and be alone.]
Isn't that the least you can do for an old friend?
[maybe. but it's still nice to hear, a promise from his closest friend in the whole world right now, and subaru flumps against natsume's pillows, turning to bury his face in them. it smells like him... how comforting.]
Thanks. I know it's dumb, but I... [... quieter, almost muffled into the pillow.] I don't want to find you the way Ama-chan found them.
[he's not sure what he'd do. that's why he made natsume promise.]
I'm never going to DIE. ( not again. natsume shifts slightly closer to press a leg against subaru's, acting like he's just getting comfortable in bed. ) I have things to DO, Baru-kun. I have people to ensure the graduation OF. As long as those two things remain TRUE, I'm going to stay aLIVE, whatever it TAKES.
[but can he really, really promise that? just like if he'll come back always the same natsume after losing parts of him, of trading them away for something he feels is greater?
... that's what trust is. and subaru trusts natsume, even as there's the reasonable, very human fear wriggling in the back of his mind. even if natsume's killed before, and can kill again, if someone caught him by surprise or gave him little choice in the matter then what could even be done--]
Don't take it on alone. Even if I'm one of those people, you can still rely on me.
[just a tease, since he did already say before natsume had never lied to him. he's sure the other is relying on people in his own way, the way that subaru is stepping out, hesitantly, to rely on others himself.]
... Thanks.
[for the needed privacy. for promising. for staying until he's ready to let go and sleep.]
You have nothing to thank me FOR, ( he replies, sure and soft,
and natsume settles back against his pillows to nibble at his toast bits and sip at his tea and watch the wall while subaru rests, tendrils of grief worming their way into his heart when the other's breathing finally evens out and natsume can have some space to himself to press hot tears into. )
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I'm not a fan of cuddLING, and I'm not tiRED—
( ...his hand wiggling stops, lips pressing together, but he'll continue to try and get subaru off of him. )
But I'll stay with you until you fall aSLEEP, and I'll be here when you wake UP.
( if he happens to get up sometime between that, that's on him. he has to pee and clean himself up and put on a new perfume and so many other little self-care things, head spinning, but he knows subaru will just get worried if he doesn't assure him he'll be around when his nap is over. )
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Promise?
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Have I ever lied to YOU?
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[... kept things from him, sure, but lied? no. he doesn't count omissions as lies; lying is looking someone directly in the eyes and telling them what they want to hear in that moment when it's not true whatsoever.]
But I wanna hear you promise me anyway, Natsume.
[that he won't wake up and be alone.]
Isn't that the least you can do for an old friend?
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I promise I'll be HERE, you big baBY. HonestLY, you're twice the shiba inu your dog IS.
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Thanks. I know it's dumb, but I... [... quieter, almost muffled into the pillow.] I don't want to find you the way Ama-chan found them.
[he's not sure what he'd do. that's why he made natsume promise.]
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I'm never going to DIE. ( not again. natsume shifts slightly closer to press a leg against subaru's, acting like he's just getting comfortable in bed. ) I have things to DO, Baru-kun. I have people to ensure the graduation OF. As long as those two things remain TRUE, I'm going to stay aLIVE, whatever it TAKES.
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... that's what trust is. and subaru trusts natsume, even as there's the reasonable, very human fear wriggling in the back of his mind. even if natsume's killed before, and can kill again, if someone caught him by surprise or gave him little choice in the matter then what could even be done--]
Don't take it on alone. Even if I'm one of those people, you can still rely on me.
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but time and time again, he'll state it: he's a magician. it's their job, their duty, to create miracles. )
...Don't make me repeat THINGS. I already said I'd rely on oTHERS, didn't I? Go to SLEEP.
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[just a tease, since he did already say before natsume had never lied to him. he's sure the other is relying on people in his own way, the way that subaru is stepping out, hesitantly, to rely on others himself.]
... Thanks.
[for the needed privacy. for promising. for staying until he's ready to let go and sleep.]
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and natsume settles back against his pillows to nibble at his toast bits and sip at his tea and watch the wall while subaru rests, tendrils of grief worming their way into his heart when the other's breathing finally evens out and natsume can have some space to himself to press hot tears into. )