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natsume sakasaki ([personal profile] crystallomancy) wrote2020-01-08 10:36 pm

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NATSUME SAKASAKI
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ACTION / TEXT / LOCKER NOTES
starrypoint: (interdigitate73)

[personal profile] starrypoint 2021-09-07 08:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Then be honest.

[he's taking it as a yes. natsume can be honest, he knows that, and now he's telling him to be honest.

subaru wouldn't be surprised if natsume already knew what he was gonna ask about, but he taps the right side of his own head, near his eye.]


What's up? Did something happen?

[we'll start off neutral. we'll see what he says, to the general question. it won't stop the stirring of angered worry simmering in is stomach, ready to spill out in hotter words, but he's grown. he doesn't lash as much as he used to]
starrypoint: (interdigitate98)

[personal profile] starrypoint 2021-09-07 10:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[it's a few little things. all of which are pressing as hard against his mind as natsume's nails into his own palm, and stinging just as much.]

A lot of stuff, but right now it's 'cause you're not looking through the telescope the right way. [well--] The way you normally would.

[simmering, simmering.]

And you keep making sure you're as close to the wall as possible, even though you'd never done that before. You keep overshooting things when you try and grab them, too, like you're trying to make up for... I dunno, something.

[there's more, but those are the ones that come to mind.]

What're you hiding from me? And why?
starrypoint: (pic#13500428)

[personal profile] starrypoint 2021-09-08 12:11 am (UTC)(link)
And that doesn't include me?

[of course he's not entitled to what happens in natsume's life. but they're friends, so of course he's hurt. is the only reason natsume told subaru about the murder to protect himself? is this not as important because it doesn't threaten natsume's safety in a way he can't predict and avoid?]

You'll tell me you off'd four people, but not that you're going blind? [he's assuming. it's usually blindness in an eye situation.] It's not my business? Even though we're friends? We're rooming together? I'm not dumb, Natsume.

[i wish you'd stop thinking i was]
starrypoint: (interdigitate59)

[personal profile] starrypoint 2021-09-08 12:47 am (UTC)(link)
[as if anything could shake their friendship. as if subaru wouldn't have sought him out, just like he had right now, and asked him why if he'd been told by anyone else. he's come to terms that the beautiful boy he's known for years, who reached out a hand in the darkness and led him to a constellation befitting his starry name, killed four people — one of them their senior, sena-san — but subaru still can't see blood on the other's hands. they're still slender and pale, with a grip that's far stronger than his appearance would imply.

it reminds him a lot of then. the even-ness of natsume's voice especially, and subaru wonders when his friend'll finally just feel things and show those feelings to others. to him.]


Who cares about occupations, Natsume? Is whatever you're gettin' really worth never seeing So~ran and Blue-senpai again? Not seeing how happy you make the people around you? Or-- or the stars?

[since, they're stargazing. right now. it's a grasp but the point is that there is beauty in the world, just as much as there is horror, and natsume's choosing to shun them both.

and for what?

subaru doesn't know if he can see any difference in natsume's golden eyes, if one is blinded and the other isn't, but he can't stop himself from trying anyway. how much is this school gonna take from his best friend? how much is natsume gonna let it?]


Why?
starrypoint: (interdigitate75)

[personal profile] starrypoint 2021-09-08 02:21 am (UTC)(link)
[how lucky. how lucky, for him, to be able to hide the things he's done so easily.]

... To help everyone else, huh? No matter who "everyone else" is to you, if it includes Hiroppi and them, it's to help others.

[it's not selfish. natsume is a selfish person at times, just like him, but they both share a desire to see others smile.

or, well. natsume did want to see smiles. subaru guesses he'll just know by tone by the end of the year, or assume they're happy when they might not be.]


That's so like you, Natsume. [but it's not cheery. it's not disappointed either, it's just. fact.

subaru lets go of natsume's wrist, clenching his fists and it feels like the confession all over again. on a smaller scale, on a lighter note, but he still doesn't know how to feel outside of pissed that natsume wanted to keep this from him.]


Aren't you scared? Of never seeing again?
starrypoint: (interdigitate98)

[personal profile] starrypoint 2021-09-08 02:36 am (UTC)(link)
... Even if you're not you when you come back?
starrypoint: (interdigitate102)

[personal profile] starrypoint 2021-09-08 03:52 am (UTC)(link)
[the core of natsume is always going to be natsume.

but no one can go through so much and come out unscathed.

subaru's not at a loss for words so much as he has nothing else to say. natsume came clean, and the assurance of "i'll still be me" may be feeble but it's a small light nonetheless, and— at the very least the natsume standing in front of him right now, blind in one eye for the sake of someone else, is the natsume he's sang beside. worked with. complained to and about. if he'll still be that same natsume tomorrow, subaru doesn't know. but at least everything is the same right now, as far as he can tell, as far as his eyes can pick apart the little things natsume tries not to offer observation wise and still does.]


... 'Kay. I trust you, Natsume, but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna stick my nose into your business. You do it to me all the time, so it's only fair.

[so it's best just to be honest. to be open. to give him updates, before he finds them out himself.]

And it's super rude to say I can't help you, y'know~? Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it! Unless it's something I don't wanna do, like leave you alone and not ask questions. But if you're going blind, [and he knows natsume hates physical touch but subaru has done it so minimally today, so minimally since first waking up because it's what was necessary, so he thinks he can get a pass for holding up a hand to "blind out" natsume's left eye,] then let me be your eyes. If you lose your legs, then I'll walk for you. If you can't reach out, then I will. I don't mind, y'know? We're friends.

[god, subaru could be friends with a worse person.]
starrypoint: (pic#13297170)

[personal profile] starrypoint 2021-09-08 10:49 am (UTC)(link)
[oh it'll be fun to watch natsume practice being blind in one eye from his top bunk, he guesses. maybe!!!

subaru slips his hand down just enough to hold natsume's, giving it a firm squeeze. he's here, he'll always be here. he'll say it as many times as he needs]


'Course! Bet you feel better about not having to hide anything from me too, huh~? One more weight off your shoulder! ♪

[even though there's still so much natsume isn't telling him, that's fine. it's nothing obvious to subaru, and it's not currently detrimental to his friend, so it's fine. there's things he hasn't told natsume, either]
starrypoint: (interdigitate01)

[personal profile] starrypoint 2021-09-08 05:31 pm (UTC)(link)
[subaru cocks his head like a dog at first, but his confusion becomes the open awe that natsume seeks; he saw clamor do something like this when they got locked out of the hostage situation family meeting, but natsume doing it...

he raises his hands almost like he wants to touch them, hovering closer—]


Wow... It's like you're a real magician, Natsume! ♪

["[he's] always been a real magician, baru-kun"]

That's amazing! So you can do magic-magic now? Ahaha, they're so pretty! Can you choose what constellations to make? Hey, hey, can you do the Pleiades? ☆
starrypoint: (interdigitate03)

[personal profile] starrypoint 2021-09-08 08:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, I'm sure I'll get hurt somehow without meaning to, and I'll race to wherever you are in an instant!

[subaru cups his hands beneath the constellation, heart fluttering at the closeness of it, and wonders if he can learn to do this, too. would it make it less special? would natsume be mad if he could? but it'd be cool, to create illusions like this whenever he felt lonely. the stars have always been his closest companions.]

You really are amazing, Natsume. This is beyond cool.

[he definitely could just stand here all night and look at these stars....]
starrypoint: (interdigitate41)

[personal profile] starrypoint 2021-09-08 11:54 pm (UTC)(link)
[fireworks too...!! they get a surprised laugh out of him and he's quiet until the last of them twinkle out.]

It sure is different here, huh? We actually have more school work than idol work for once. No big seasonal events, no shows to mark our progress, no SS... Just a normal school. Well, [he shrugs,] not reaaaally normal? But it's not Yumenosaki, that's for sure~.

[the sort of school he had snatches of growing up, moving from one to the next. this place feels a lot like those.

honestly, subaru doesn't know if he wants to hold concerts without trickstar. rikki's cool, but she's definitely more performance than performer... he doesn't know if natsume'd be interested, and aira might be too much of a shaking lamb to be up for it too.

but he also wants to sing and dance and make people smile, so maybe he'll figure something out...]


I wonder what kind of dreams people have here... Like, does Macchi wanna go international? She's really, reaaaally good on the piano, I love listening to her a lot... What does Hiroppi wanna do? Stuff like that~!
starrypoint: (interdigitate45)

[personal profile] starrypoint 2021-09-09 06:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Everyone's got a dream, Natsume. Or at least something they're aiming for, even if they don't realize it yet. So even if it's something they don't think they deserve, or they think it's unattainable, I wanna hear about it!

[because it's too sad to think the opposite]

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