( he doesn't take it, not yet. he's thinking about christmas eve, the weight of her hand in his, the summer sun beating down on them as they made their way down an empty, silent street, not talking at all because he promised not to say anything else. the hand-holding had just been the result of a trick, too, but she didn't have to take his hand when she "took" the imaginary key from his palm he'd locked his lips with.
natsume wonders if an empty chest is supposed to hurt this much; shouldn't the absence of something feel like nothing at all instead? )
There was a shopping mall we went to—there were a few interesting things to DO, like watching movies or window-shopping and SUCH, but there was also an ice RINK. She let me CHOOSE, so we went skating; I don't think she actually believed me when I said I'd never skated beFORE, but she still taught me HOW. ( his lips pull at the edges, tight, a headache slowly beginning behind his eyes. ) She was right not to believe me—I have SKATED, and I'm quite good at IT, but I wanted the excuse to stay close to HER.
( ye olde silly high school boy tricks. )
...She told me that magicians aren't the only people who want to make others hapPY, when I asked her why she decided to take me OUT. And she remembered that a few months aGO, on our first... She never wanted to call it a DATE, ( he swallows hard, a little breathless laugh, ) but the first time we spent the day alone togeTHER, I told her I had wanted to confess to her on a more romantic holiday like Christmas EVE, rather than when I ended up doing so: making tea in the Cooking Club's room for the two of US.
I did get my wish though—I did get to confess to her aGAIN.
( ... )
I loved HER. ( a very small and quiet confession, one almost lost in his knees after he moves the plate, and he brings them up to his chest and presses his face into them. ) At least she knew before she DIED, for better or for WORSE.
( can she graduate on time now, dead? will they just miss one another, if they had ever had a chance? )
An unromantic and boRING, extremely pragmatic girl who did what she thought was best for the people she was responsible FOR, who never wanted to entertain for a moment the idea anyone could like her—that terribly, terribly frustrating young woman who didn't mind that I called her a WOLF, who liked the lavender perfume I made for HER, who'd eat character lunches in pieces to decuteify them instead of just eating them normalLY, who—
( he stops. to breathe, because his chest feels like it's squeezing too tight, his eyes squeezed shut and head aching from his attempt at keeping tears from coming, mouth drawn back in something like snarl, teeth grit.
a trembling exhale. natsume slowly looks up. )
Who told me it wouldn't and couldn't hapPEN, and it's a truth I acknowLEDGE. Here, that type of thing is nothing but trouBLE. I'm paying for my own mistake—my own selfish PRIDE, thinking nothing would happen to her even if she did have such a large target on her BACK. I knew betTER. I still DO, but I still could never say sorry for IT.
( ...
that's a lot. it's a lot, and he'd normally feel embarrassed, but there's nothing except the burning in the corners of his eyes and the hollowness in his chest and the twisting in his stomach he's not sure will ever leave. )
no subject
natsume wonders if an empty chest is supposed to hurt this much; shouldn't the absence of something feel like nothing at all instead? )
There was a shopping mall we went to—there were a few interesting things to DO, like watching movies or window-shopping and SUCH, but there was also an ice RINK. She let me CHOOSE, so we went skating; I don't think she actually believed me when I said I'd never skated beFORE, but she still taught me HOW. ( his lips pull at the edges, tight, a headache slowly beginning behind his eyes. ) She was right not to believe me—I have SKATED, and I'm quite good at IT, but I wanted the excuse to stay close to HER.
( ye olde silly high school boy tricks. )
...She told me that magicians aren't the only people who want to make others hapPY, when I asked her why she decided to take me OUT. And she remembered that a few months aGO, on our first... She never wanted to call it a DATE, ( he swallows hard, a little breathless laugh, ) but the first time we spent the day alone togeTHER, I told her I had wanted to confess to her on a more romantic holiday like Christmas EVE, rather than when I ended up doing so: making tea in the Cooking Club's room for the two of US.
I did get my wish though—I did get to confess to her aGAIN.
( ... )
I loved HER. ( a very small and quiet confession, one almost lost in his knees after he moves the plate, and he brings them up to his chest and presses his face into them. ) At least she knew before she DIED, for better or for WORSE.
( can she graduate on time now, dead? will they just miss one another, if they had ever had a chance? )
An unromantic and boRING, extremely pragmatic girl who did what she thought was best for the people she was responsible FOR, who never wanted to entertain for a moment the idea anyone could like her—that terribly, terribly frustrating young woman who didn't mind that I called her a WOLF, who liked the lavender perfume I made for HER, who'd eat character lunches in pieces to decuteify them instead of just eating them normalLY, who—
( he stops. to breathe, because his chest feels like it's squeezing too tight, his eyes squeezed shut and head aching from his attempt at keeping tears from coming, mouth drawn back in something like snarl, teeth grit.
a trembling exhale. natsume slowly looks up. )
Who told me it wouldn't and couldn't hapPEN, and it's a truth I acknowLEDGE. Here, that type of thing is nothing but trouBLE. I'm paying for my own mistake—my own selfish PRIDE, thinking nothing would happen to her even if she did have such a large target on her BACK. I knew betTER. I still DO, but I still could never say sorry for IT.
( ...
that's a lot. it's a lot, and he'd normally feel embarrassed, but there's nothing except the burning in the corners of his eyes and the hollowness in his chest and the twisting in his stomach he's not sure will ever leave. )