[a very, very small part of her is glad that he had that. her own Christmas Eve had been marked by tears, by raging into a blizzard about how much everything hurt, half freezing. at least Natsume was with someone he cared about, protecting her from emptiness, avoiding hell together, escaping cold into warmth.
she listens, lets him be as slow as he wants. there are pieces that fit into place, like a jigsaw made of glass. and Helena knows that him expressing this is entrusting her with a secret, with something she'll fold up and keep in the lockbox of her heart to protect it. not to Subaru, not to anyone else. Helena listens, and does not interrupt.
she wonders, vaguely, if Maya hid her tallies for the same reason Helena hides the scars she has. not exposed means you don't have to talk about them. you don't have to think about them. there's no way to spin this into some saying about giving her justice, about her returning, because they don't know. and even if someone returns, does it mean they remember?
there will be a time to say better to have loved and lost than never at all, but that's not now. there will be a time to savor what happiness is there, what they had for the brief time they did, but not today. Helena will not diminish his grief by telling him how to feel it.
instead, she extends her hand and leaves it between them. his choice, if he needs to hold it. if he says even a syllable more.]
no subject
she listens, lets him be as slow as he wants. there are pieces that fit into place, like a jigsaw made of glass. and Helena knows that him expressing this is entrusting her with a secret, with something she'll fold up and keep in the lockbox of her heart to protect it. not to Subaru, not to anyone else. Helena listens, and does not interrupt.
she wonders, vaguely, if Maya hid her tallies for the same reason Helena hides the scars she has. not exposed means you don't have to talk about them. you don't have to think about them. there's no way to spin this into some saying about giving her justice, about her returning, because they don't know. and even if someone returns, does it mean they remember?
there will be a time to say better to have loved and lost than never at all, but that's not now. there will be a time to savor what happiness is there, what they had for the brief time they did, but not today. Helena will not diminish his grief by telling him how to feel it.
instead, she extends her hand and leaves it between them. his choice, if he needs to hold it. if he says even a syllable more.]